What is deliberate self harm?
Deliberate self-harm is a term used when someone injuries or harms themselves on purpose. Common examples include "over-dosing" (self poisoning), hitting, cutting or burning oneself, pulling hair or picking skin, or self strangulation. It can also include taking illegal drugs and excessive amounts of alcohol. Self-harm is always a sign of something being seriously wrong.
Why do young people harm themselves?
Self-injury is a way of dealing with very difficult feelings that build up inside. People say different things about why they do it;
- Some say that they have been feeling desperate about a problem and don't know where to turn for help. They feel trapped and helpless. Self-injury helps them to feel in control
- Some people talk of feelings of anger or tension that get bottled up inside, until they feel like exploding. Self-injury helps to relieve the tension that they may feel
- Feelings of guilt or shame may also become unbearable. Self-harm is a way of punishing oneself
- Some people try to cope with very upsetting experiences such as trauma or abuse, by convincing themselves that the upsetting event(s) never happened. These people sometimes suffer from feelings of "numbness" or "deadness"
They say that they feel detached from the world and their bodies, and that self-injury is a way of feeling more connected and alive.
Who is at risk?
Self-harm is most commonly triggered by an argument with a parent or close friend. When the young person has experienced abuse, neglect or rejection, they are more likely to harm themselves. Young people who are depressed, or have an eating disorder, are at greater risk. So are people who take illegal drugs, or excessive amounts of alcohol.
Where can I get help?
Anyone who is harming themselves is struggling to cope and needs help. Self-injury is often kept secret - even from friends or family. The personfeels ashamed, guilty or bad that they can't face talking about it. There may be clues, such as refusing to wear short sleeves or to take off cloting for sports.
If you are a parent or teacher you can help by ;
- Recognizing signs of distress, and finding some way of talking with the young person about how they are feeling
- Listening to their worries and problems, and taking them seriously
- Offering sympathy and understanding
- Helping with solving problems
- Staying calm and in control of your feelings
- Being clear about the risks of self-harm making sure they know that, with help, it will be possible to stop once the underlying problems have been sorted out
- Making sure that they get the right kind of help as soon as possible
Its important to make sure that the young person feels that they have someone they can talk to and get support from, when they need it. Otherwise, there is a risk they will harm themselves instead. It's important to ask whether parents and family will be able to give the support that's needed. This may be difficult if there are a lot of problems or arguments at home. As a parent, you may be too upset or angry to be able to give the help that is needed. If so, you should seek advice from your general practitoner.
If you are a teacher, it is important to encourage students to let you know if one of their group is in trouble, upset or shows signs of harming themselves. Friends often worry about betraying a confidence and you may need to explain that self-harm can endanger their lives. For this reason, it should never be kept a secret.
Specialist Help
If you feel that more professional help is needed, then please feel free to contact me through the contacts page on this website. The aim is to discover the causes of the problems. It is usual for parents or carers to be involved in the treatment. This makes it easier to understand the background to what has happened and to the work out what sort of help is needed.
There are different talking approaches, depending on what is causing the problem. Treatment often involves both individual and family work. Individuals will need help with how to cope with the very difficult feelings that cause self-harm. Families often need help in working out how to make sure that the dangerous behaviour doesn't happen again, and how to give the support that is needed. If depression or anxiety is part of the problem, these will need treating.
Occasionally, intensive help may be needed. Sometimes, recovery from very damaging or traumatic experiences happens slowly. Then specialist help is needed over a longer period of time.
This information was adapted from information from the Royal College of Psychiatrists.
Developed by the Regional Suicide Resource Office of the Health Service Executive - South.
Supported by the National Office for Suicide Prevention.
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