Who do you trust?

Despite its importance, trust is one of the least studied emotions, without trust our personal & indeed working relationships are tinged with insecurity. Interestingly we find it easier to trust people we perceive as similar to ourselves. They project subconscious messages creating a familiar feeling which makes us feel safe.

Barrack Obama routinely wore jeans and shirts with rolled up sleeves - the "one of us" look! Now more than ever we need to understand what's behind our ability to trust, as the economic crisis seem to be eroding our faith in other people. Just think how many unconscious decisions you make everyday that require trust. When you get in your car, you trust other drivers, when you drop your children off at school, you trust the teachers. When you go to work you trust your employer to pay you, the list is endless. When trust disappears, fear steps in and creates insecurity. So how and who do you really trust? These simple steps will give you the answer.

Step 1 - Draw a circle on a blank page and choose who is deserving of a place in your circle, write their names inside the circle. For people who make you uneasy and create doubts in your mind, write their names outside the circle.

Step 2 - Review the people inside your circle, ask yourself “Do they deserve to be there?” If not put a line through them and put them outside the circle.

Step 3 - Now look at the people outside your circle, what do you need to do or do they need to do in order to brought in? If you believe there is nothing you can do or they will not change, put a line through them, strike them out completely, this means they have no place in your life.

Step 4 - If your employer sits outside your circle, then look for clarity, state your concerns, put your thoughts out in the open with your employer and you may be surprised by the result you get. If discussing the situation does not change anything with you employer, then your employer must remain outside your circle, until the situation changes.

Step 5 - You will end up with a circle filled with people whom you can trust and who deserve to be there. The names outside the circle represent those people who may not be good for you? If they are not good for you, then cut them loose, where this applies to family, then distance yourself from them. Do not keep people close to you, who are not good for you.

Step 6 - Lastly, look at your circle again, are you in your circle? You must trust yourself, even on a simple exercise like this; your name must be there, if you have not put your name in, ask yourself why? Maybe it is because you only see negative results from trusting, that rather than benefits you only see consequences?

Learning to trust requires taking a risk and exposing ourselves to the possibility of hurt. But building better relationships isn’t just the cure for issues of trust, it’s the reward.

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